I can not wait for it to be tomorrow. Then all of this stress I'm feeling right now will be over. I won't have to spend every moment of the day trying to remember things for tonight and hoping that I won't mess up. If I mess up I feel like I'm going to let everyone down and that's the last thing that I want to do.
Thinking about tonight and managing the store by myself is just freaking me out. The nerves are getting to me and I don't know what to do about it. That's why I wanted to talk to someone.....anyone last night. I just wanted to talk to forget about how nervous I am. But, as usual no one at my house wanted to talk to me and no one was online to either.
Once again my family is pretty much blaming me for everything that goes wrong around the house. It's my fault that my dad showed up early to pick me up on Monday night. Which just makes me even more nervous about tonight because on Monday night I was going over things with my boss for tonight but didn't get to finish because otherwise I would have had to walk home.
Thinking about Monday brings up something that has confuzed me greatley. Yesterday morning I was dropped off at 6:30 in the morning for a bus that comes at 7:17 because no one else in the house would take me and my dad would not leave later then that. He was still mad at me about Monday night. He did not care at all that I would be sitting in the cold for at least 45 min. to wait for a bus and did not seem to care at all that I could become sick because of it. However later in the day he and my mother are scrambling to figure out who can pick up Emily from work because her car was acting funny and my dad didn't want her to wait in the cold. I'm all like "Doesn't she work in a school? Can't she stand inside?"
Apparently not, because he left early from work to get her. Then later while they and my mom are figuring out car arrangements for the next few days, my dad and Emily get it into their heads that she can just drive my car until hers is fixed. That of course gets me upset because they don't even ask me if she can use it, they just assume and plan that they can. When I come out of my room and state that she should not plan on using my car for the rest of the week because I will be using it again as soon as my glasses come in I get called a selfish lazy ass bitch who is just trying to cause more trouble. (This coming from the person who seems to think that it is to difficult to drive her little sister across the street for basketball and instead screams at everyone else to do it.)
My dad also makes the case that she needs to use my car so that no one will have to pick her up from work and she won't have to wait in the cold because he doesn't want anyone getting sick. I then simply ask why I had to wait in the cold for almost an hour that morning waiting for the bus? His response was that he didn't care if I got sick considering it is my fault that my glasses haven't come in yet and so until I fix all of my supposed many different problems I have to suffer with the consequences. Doesn't something like that really make you feel loved?
I just really need it to be tomorrow already. That way I'll have the stress of tonight over with. It will also be closer to the weekend, which although I am going to be working most of the time, will allow me some tiny amount of time to relax and hopefully have fun and spend some time with people.
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